Buttwhack Sausage Party

Imagine you’re a farmworker.
Imagine you are sleeping soundly next to your farmworker buddy.
Now imagine being startled awake to the sight of an unknown man beating your buddy with an 8-inch length of chorizo.
To top things off, imagine when the strange, sausage weilding man runs away, you realize that you have yourself been dry-rubbed, not unlike a pork loin, with a pungent mix of spices.
Talk about a bad dream…but it’s not.

Here is the official story courtesy of the AP…

“Authorities say they’ve arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Fresno County sheriff’s Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack.

He says deputies arrested Vasquez after finding a wallet containing his ID in the ransacked house.
The farmworkers told deputies the suspect woke them Saturday morning by rubbing spices on one of them and smacking the other with an 8-inch sausage.

Burrimond says money allegedly stolen was recovered.”